Lately I've been complaining of boredom although I have a lot to do. There are unfinished paintings laying in my room, there are poem titles in my phone and paperback and online books that I'm only a quarter of the way through.
Lately I've been feeling like my heart's not in anything I do. I've had a few art projects, written and performed a couple poems but it's routine- same with football matches- I'm there but I'm not there. Whatever happened to doing everything as if onto God, whatever happened to passion, competition and sense of achievement.
These things used to be my brothers, but now I feel like I'm on my own just like a modern day version of Joseph. The difference is I've thrown my myself and my dreams into a pit. I've sold myself in return for lies and mediocrity. I've sold joy for temporary happiness and faith for momentary stability. I've been imprisoned by my own small thoughts. Where did it all go wrong? No idea.
All I know is I want my passion back, I want my dreams back, I want it ALL back along with a new sense of pride in myself- not foolish pride but self-worth and belief that my abilities plus God's strength means guaranteed success, even though it may not be instant. I need to start seeing my life through God's eyes because my vision is only peripheral.
Never again do I want to be the destroyer of my own dreams... I'm now waiting on God for renewed dreams, a new outlook, renewed passion for life in general.
Never again do I want to sit on my potential and be subject to banality. Lately I have, lately I've failed myself and my Father, lately I've been ungrateful, lately I've taken life for granted- lately is now in the past!
You may not understand anything I just said right now but one day you'll hear similar words and they'll sound familiar
Sunshine -` O -
