COMMITMENT ISSUES

From a very young age I was quite adventurous. I tried a lot of different activities, I had a lot of different dreams, I was not afraid of change. I taught myself to adapt to things quickly, which was just as well, as that quality has come in handy on several occasions.

Throughout my life I have had to resettle as soon as I was settled. For example, I went to 4 different Primary schools, 2 Secondary schools and 2 colleges. As I said, it's just as well I'm someone who can adapt easily.

However, for me, the ability to adapt also came with the inability to commit. An inability that, in hindsight, has cost me dearly. You see, because of past experiences, in the back of my mind I always feel that I'll probably have to move on anyway. This frame of mind results in me refusing to put my all into things. 'Don't commit. Always keep your options open, never show too much interest in one thing. Save yourself some hurt'. That's how I've lived the majority of my life and probably why I often find it hard to complete things, or get into habits and patterns in the first place. Everythin with me has to be open-ended. Nothing is ever set-in-stone.

The more I've analysed myself, the clearer it has become. It's like a bad habit. It is a bad habit. It is, however, a habit that I am much more aware of, and one that I have been addressing.

I've also noticed a pattern in this bad habit. Senseless as it may seem, the things in front of me are harder to commit to than those that are out of my reach.

Scenario:

It's easy to say that if you had a certain job you wouldn't want to quit, when your perception of your job is warped by that same fantasy.

Commit to what you can, right now, and be content with it, you may be surprised at the results. Since I've started putting my heart into things I feel a lot better for it. I'm tired of being a 'Half-way man'. I'm sick of how easy it is to detach myself from my 'commitments'. When nothng is at risk, when there is no emotional attachment, where does the motivation come from?

The same emotions I wouldn't dream of putting into my commitments have now become my chauffeur.

I've challenged myslef, and now here's my challenge to you:

Go and search yourself and find all the things you need to commit to and commit to them. Whatever happens, at least you'll know you gave it your all. That's all it takes.