Am I doing enough?

Recently it seems I'm not the only one going through a time of reflection. People all around me are asking themselves pertinent questions, some of which they cannot answer themselves. For some people I've spoken to, there is a feeling of failure and a desire to do more; others find encouragement in how far they've come. It's only natural to evaluate oneself every so often. It's a healthy thing to do, especially when the outcome is a practical effort to improve. It also happens to be the middle of the year. If you set specific goals and objectives at the beginning of the year, you would probably expect to have seen some progress in some of them by now. If you haven't seen as much progress as you would have liked at this stage, it's easy to get a bit down. 
I was speaking to someone recently and she confided in me that she felt quite rubbish, and that she didn't feel she was doing enough in the church. I honestly did not know what to say. Firstly, because I know this person very well, and I personally had the view that she does too much. Secondly, I was thinking if she doesn't do enough then what hope do I have? Because of the scale of her disappointment in herself, I came to the conclusion that it must be a spiritual attack. The devil is trying desperately to slow Christians down in any way he can, and one way he does this is by making you feel inadequate. This is what he was trying to do to this lady.

When someone genuinely feels like they are not doing enough in the kingdom, the hope is that they will address quickly by trying to do more (if this is the will of God). But more often than not it produces a heavy guilt which gives birth to inertia. It doesn't take long to get from 'I'm not doing enough' to 'should I even bother? This is too hard?' This is not how God wants us to think, He doesn't want us to beat purselves up about what we are not doing, He wants us to do the things that He wants us to do. Yes, as Christians we shouldn't be complaicent, and we should constantly be examining ourselves to see that we are producing fruit, but complaicency is not an action, it's an attitude. Not participating in recognised church ministries does not make a Christian complaicent; what makes them complaicent is a lack of desire to serve God. These are two completely different things: for instance, a Christian who seemingly does nothing at church could be praying for the church everyday in secret. Is this not vitally important for the church?

Apart from this, God has called different people to do different things at different periods. They may be involved in church ministry but going through a time where they feel ineffective. Maybe God wants to divert their attention back to Him because they were 'distracted with much serving' like Martha in Luke 10:40. Some, God may tell just to be part of the congregation until they have grown enough to take on responsibilities. There shouldn't be a race to grow. As a visiting pastor at our church said last weekend, 'God lets us grow gradually. Wouldn't it be weird if we were babies and we just turned into full-grown men and women overinght, but still thought like babies?' Heck yeah was my answer, the same principle applies. There are some people who God calls to serve in more than one ministry for a variety of different reasons e.g. to teach them teamwork, humility, trust, respect for authority, love etc. You just wouldn't know.

Equally, that you don't see someone actively involved or standing on a platform does not mean they are not serving God; nor are those at the forefront of activity automatically servants of God. The latter may be seeking their own glory, hence serving themselves, or dare I say it, indirectly serving Satan. Believe or not, some people even immerse themselves in activities and surround themselves with churchfolk deliberately to avoid spending time alone with God - they may not know how to. This is an issue as we all need to have personal relationships with Him. No one is going to escape by piggybacking off another's salvation. Each one will stand and give his/her own account before God, so it's necessary for all to know Him intimately. Relationship is vital.

Another person I've spoken to recently who feels she has really grown spiritually attributes this in part to the activities she's been involved in. Her involvement in these activities have helped her mature. The positions of responsibilty she holds means that her relationship with God has to be a good one, both so that she can handle the responsibility, and so that she remains effective. The main factor for her growth, therefore, has been the strength of her relationship with God and not the activities/ministries themselves. It is very important to grasp this, as it is so easy to get caught up in routine and forget the reason you do what you do.

However, it isn't always the case that positions of responsibility in the church cause one to grow, it depends on the person's motive and how vigilant the ministry team is. As I alluded to earlier, there are many people who simply hide behind ministry to seem busy, or to avoid relationship. For instance, imagine if a church had 2 services and one lady insisted on teaching a Sunday School group for both services every week. When will she hear adult preaching or fellowship with other people in the church? People would eventually realise that there was and issue and ask questions.

It's not for us as Christians to judge based on what we see with our eyes. Neither should we be discouraged or feel inadequate because others seem to be doing a lot. What we should be doing is making sure that we have a relationship with God. 'Seek first the kingdom of God and all things will be added to you.' A lot of people tend to think of this verse referring to us getting what we need or desire, but how many see this as including responsibilty as well?

I believe that when we seek God earnestly, and with our whole heart and we get to know and love Him, he then trusts us enough to give us responsibilties, which, by the way are a privelege.
So maybe 'am I doing enough?' is the wrong question to use to evaluate ourselves. We can never do enough, especially for God, that's why people are not saved by works. Perhaps the more helpful self-appraisal questions are 'Is my relationship with God getting stronger?', 'What are my motives?', 'Am I ready to take on new/more responsibilities?'

Check, check, check.

Know for yourself

John 4:42 ~

"They said to the woman, "It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Saviour of the world.""

Recently I was asked why, if I grew up in the church, did it take so long for me to accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Saviour. I could've given a number of reason s, but the real reason is that I was believing in Jesus through others, I didn't know Him myself. And how could I have? I hardly ever read my Bible in my own time. All the verses I had knowledge of I'd heard at Sunday School, in the main services at church or from parents and friends.

I accepted what people said was true at face value, but it didn't have any major bearing on my life. All it inspired me to do was live by good morals, it didn't inspire me to seek after a relationship with God. There are dangers attached to believing based on other's experiences/testimonies. They may impact you for a little while, but unless you seek those experiences/truths yourself the effects are likely to wear off quickly.

In John 4:42, the Samaritans said, "... we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Saviour of the world." [emphasis added]. So, in addition to the aforementioned danger, there is also a chance that you didn't fully believe in the first place.

As a teen I was quite apathetic, so the change began when I suddenly had all these inquisitive people around me. They were not satisfied with just hearing about the Bible, they would read it and ask God for their own interpretation - something that I had never considered.

One friend from college was especially fond of quoting scripture, and it became increasingly difficult to hang around with him without contributing much to our discussions. And so, the quest for more knowledge began. It was about time too. Hosea 4:6 says in the New International Version, "My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge." Self-destruction is not my portion, neither will it be yours.

I'm very grateful for that friend's commitment at the time as he would also invite me to afternoon youth services after I'd attended my regular church in the mornings. It was there that I felt God tugging at my heart's strings when a girl from our college made an altar call after preaching.

I was still reluctant to go forward as I knew many of the youth in the congregation, and suspected that most would be shocked I hadn't made this decision already. This was not a valid excuse, what is pride if not a burden? So I went up, said a prayer, was prayed for, and felt some sort of release.

Almost 6 years on, I haven't looked back. I'm getting to know the real character of Jesus a little more every day, thus feeling closer to God. I can honestly say that over the years my relationship with God has compelled me to dramatically change my mindset. And my new way of thinking has changed EVERYTHING!

There will be trials and tribulations, and times when you wonder why you bother being a Christian - such is life - but let me tell you this:

The rewards during - and most importantly - after the battle, far outweigh the pains of the battle.

Keep on keepin on, the joy of the Lord is your strength.

God Bless,

Sunshine -`o -

What's your motif?

I've had a fantastic start to the year, I must say. Nothing extraordinary has happened per se but I just feel better in myself. Not that when the clock struck midnight to mark the 1st minute of the year I suddenly became positive, not at all. It's just that since then, I haven't had anything to worry about. Or what I would normally worry about I've taken in my stride so far (or tried to, anyway).

In all honesty, this new lease of life has been coming. I've endeavoured to make more and more time for God and I'm learning more about His character each day. He's actually a hilarious character. To say that He's unorthodox would be an understatement. He continually tramples on the perceptions I have on the way He works. He doesn't have to be systematic- He's God. He's continally changing the way I think and I'm steadily realising the need for flexibility in that area.

Sometimes I have a motif of thinking that I don't want anyone to reshape or resize. Let's call this motif a square. The square is safe, all its sides are equal, it tesselates whether you turn it on its side or on its head. I am in control... This is where the problem lies. The previous sentence IS a lie. I begin to feel I'm in control because I have somehow made God fit into this square, I almost hold God to ransom by trying to force certain issues and then when they fall flat I look to the sky.

Whose fault is it? Isn't God bigger than my square of thoughts? The truth is He's the only one in a position to control my life, in the first place:

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9

Jeremiah was also aware of this principle and reminds us in Jeremiah 10:23 ~ "LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps."
I tried to fight against certain career paths, courses, etc only to be led right back to them. Often times what we think is best is far from it. And sometimes we know what's best but because of the weight of expectation try to reason against reason. The old cliche "God works in mysterious ways" is so true.

God does not follow motifs. He is not lazy. He doesn't trace or copy and paste. He uses different methods. He made each of us indivually and therefore tailors you-specific-plans. Expand your mind. Enlarge your thinking.

If you find yourself boxed in at the moment, hemmed in on all sides, it may be because you've enslaved yourself in a square pattern of thought. If you feel that's you, open up the square and allow God into your situations, don't minimise His capabilities and stop squeezing Him out. Talk to God and allow him to renew your mind and guide you- that's what He does! Moving from A to G and then back to E may seem illogical to you but God may just be concerned with you completing the alphabet. What worked for someone else may not work for you, and what worked for you in the past may not work for you now. So stop comparing and start listening and learning.

The wait.

Human beings... we're a strange bunch. We want everything 'quickfast' as my Dad would put it - notice how there is no gap between quick and fast, it's one word. Similarly people want their lives to be as one sentence that ebbs and flows without any commas or full stops. *insert wry smile* I too sometimes dream in colour.

Dreamers, I hate to break it to you but life hardly pans out like that. Life is a stutterer, and here's the bit that's bound to annoy you - sometimes.... wait for it.... LIFE STUTTERS ON PURPOSE. Yeah, I said it. Life makes you do the one thing that you enjoy least - wait.

How many times, in life's corridor, have you raced through a series of doors only to be halted by one giant one? Coincidence.... I think not? And your first reaction would probably be to force it to open somehow.

We constantly try to force doors open, which only leaves us feeling frustrated. It's funny how easy it is, in those instances, to eliminate the possibility that the door is closed for a reason. How often, when faced with a closed door, would you immediately reason that God is trying to sort things out on the other side of it? I don't know about you but that tends to be my last thought, after I've huffed and I've puffed and all my energy's spent.

So often when our attempts to rush through life are thwarted we are quick to blame Satan. We're so impatient that we jump to conclusions without blinking. Do we ever stop to wonder if we were standing behind the right door in the 1st place?

We have to learn to wait, and while we're waiting, to listen. It might not always be best to just stand behind the door either, you may need to come away from it completely. God doesn't think like us, He might be planning to bring the walls down too but He won't do it unless you step back. He doesn't want to see you hurt. And He definitely doesn't want you walking through a door when you're not yet equipped to deal with whatever's on flipside.

No one ever said it would be easy. Waiting can be tedious and tasking, but it is a character-building exercise all great characters must learn to love. And you cannot race time - it will overlap you, so you might aswell wait for it to come back around.

Besides that, timing is everything to God and He always waits for the opportune time as should we. One day we will live outside the bounds of time but for now He has planned our lives in seasons. We have two choices: Either we try and learn how to interpret the seasons or we ram our heads into the same door over and over - I know which one I'm choosing. In due time you will appreciate that the wait is usually worth more than your weight in gold. When the mosaic that is your life starts to make sense, you will be thankful that some of those doors were initially shut in your face. I know I am.

COMMITMENT ISSUES

From a very young age I was quite adventurous. I tried a lot of different activities, I had a lot of different dreams, I was not afraid of change. I taught myself to adapt to things quickly, which was just as well, as that quality has come in handy on several occasions.

Throughout my life I have had to resettle as soon as I was settled. For example, I went to 4 different Primary schools, 2 Secondary schools and 2 colleges. As I said, it's just as well I'm someone who can adapt easily.

However, for me, the ability to adapt also came with the inability to commit. An inability that, in hindsight, has cost me dearly. You see, because of past experiences, in the back of my mind I always feel that I'll probably have to move on anyway. This frame of mind results in me refusing to put my all into things. 'Don't commit. Always keep your options open, never show too much interest in one thing. Save yourself some hurt'. That's how I've lived the majority of my life and probably why I often find it hard to complete things, or get into habits and patterns in the first place. Everythin with me has to be open-ended. Nothing is ever set-in-stone.

The more I've analysed myself, the clearer it has become. It's like a bad habit. It is a bad habit. It is, however, a habit that I am much more aware of, and one that I have been addressing.

I've also noticed a pattern in this bad habit. Senseless as it may seem, the things in front of me are harder to commit to than those that are out of my reach.

Scenario:

It's easy to say that if you had a certain job you wouldn't want to quit, when your perception of your job is warped by that same fantasy.

Commit to what you can, right now, and be content with it, you may be surprised at the results. Since I've started putting my heart into things I feel a lot better for it. I'm tired of being a 'Half-way man'. I'm sick of how easy it is to detach myself from my 'commitments'. When nothng is at risk, when there is no emotional attachment, where does the motivation come from?

The same emotions I wouldn't dream of putting into my commitments have now become my chauffeur.

I've challenged myslef, and now here's my challenge to you:

Go and search yourself and find all the things you need to commit to and commit to them. Whatever happens, at least you'll know you gave it your all. That's all it takes.

M@RR!@&£

As time goes on I'm meeting more and more people who now consider marriage a swear word. If that's you, I don't usually swear, forgive me.

In some instances talk of marriage has gotten me scowls, 'ewwwws' and 'yucks'. I wasn't talking about it in relation to me by the way, just generally. A girl posted a tweet which made me question whether she ever wanted to get married. Turns out she's one of the 'yuckers'. Somewhere along the way the image of marriage in some peoples' heads has been tarnished to look more like a curse than a blessing.

Well, I have grown up having a fantastic image of marriage (I don't care if fantastic comes from fantasy). I've witnessed via my parents and others how beautiful it can be. It doesn't all have to be stress and restrictions as is the view seemingly in fashion now. Everything in life takes effort, sometimes you don't feel the effort because you enjoy doing certain things or you're just used to them, but effort is being put in regardless.

I had a conversation with a friend who said this: "Both being in a relationship and being single are hard". So true but it made me laugh because it sounded like she wasn't sure if she wanted to be either right now. Maybe this is the view of these 'ewwwers' and 'yuckers', I don't know, just simulating. You can only be one or the other. Some people have told me that they don't want to get married but they do want to live with their partner. To me this makes no sense *shrugs*.

Anyway, bottom line is my parents have proved to me that marriage is not in vain. It can work, it does work. Tomorrow they will be having a party to celebrate 25 years of marriage. I take my hat off to them. If I have a marriage anything like theirs I'll be a blessed man. (Not that I'm not a blessed man now of course :D).

Marriage is the way forward whether you like it or yes.

Toodles.

FEELING A BIT LOW?

Lately I have been hearing/ reading/ seeing a lot about thinking and speaking positively and feeling good about yourself. These things made me obtusely aware of something. It seems that the more I've tried to encourage myself the worse I've ended up feeling. I realise now that I've been doing it the wrong way. The problem is I've been trying to encourage MYSELF. My opinion of myself is always going to be skewed one way or another because it's my opinion. One point of view. It gives me steam for a little bit and then the engine just stops dead in its tracks.

What am I saying? That I should rely on my friends to encourage me? Not even. That's even more dangerous than relying on me to encourage me because a day will come when the compliment tap will stop running. And it even when it is running it still doesn't fill the void. Feeling confident in yourself is not to be mistaken with ego trips. I believe the ability to feel good about yourself comes from humility and not pride. Think about it. Pride makes you look to yourself for strength. The weight of supposed expectation is what makes you think about yourself in a negative light in the first place. If you were able to see beyond yourself as a competitor of everyone else then it I think it would become easier to feel good about yourself.

I believe we have been offered a relief in the form of a relationship with God who does not discriminate against anyone. The God who gives everyone a fair chance to feel accepted. If we were able to fully accept this fact and keep it in mind we would probably spend more time with God. Who doesn't want to spend time with someone who loves them for who they are? Someone who sees them as a champion? God wants us to rely on Him for encouragement, reassurance. He wants to be the one you ask 'can I really do this?' because in truth only He knows. That's why Matthew 6:33 says:

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

If we seek God we will find EVERYTHING we're looking for. Our life has no choice but to fall into place. But knowing this, why is it easier to seek everything first and then look for God? A question I am still asking myself. All I know now is that life is bigger than I but it's not bigger than God. I trust that I am whatever he says I am.