COMMITMENT ISSUES

From a very young age I was quite adventurous. I tried a lot of different activities, I had a lot of different dreams, I was not afraid of change. I taught myself to adapt to things quickly, which was just as well, as that quality has come in handy on several occasions.

Throughout my life I have had to resettle as soon as I was settled. For example, I went to 4 different Primary schools, 2 Secondary schools and 2 colleges. As I said, it's just as well I'm someone who can adapt easily.

However, for me, the ability to adapt also came with the inability to commit. An inability that, in hindsight, has cost me dearly. You see, because of past experiences, in the back of my mind I always feel that I'll probably have to move on anyway. This frame of mind results in me refusing to put my all into things. 'Don't commit. Always keep your options open, never show too much interest in one thing. Save yourself some hurt'. That's how I've lived the majority of my life and probably why I often find it hard to complete things, or get into habits and patterns in the first place. Everythin with me has to be open-ended. Nothing is ever set-in-stone.

The more I've analysed myself, the clearer it has become. It's like a bad habit. It is a bad habit. It is, however, a habit that I am much more aware of, and one that I have been addressing.

I've also noticed a pattern in this bad habit. Senseless as it may seem, the things in front of me are harder to commit to than those that are out of my reach.

Scenario:

It's easy to say that if you had a certain job you wouldn't want to quit, when your perception of your job is warped by that same fantasy.

Commit to what you can, right now, and be content with it, you may be surprised at the results. Since I've started putting my heart into things I feel a lot better for it. I'm tired of being a 'Half-way man'. I'm sick of how easy it is to detach myself from my 'commitments'. When nothng is at risk, when there is no emotional attachment, where does the motivation come from?

The same emotions I wouldn't dream of putting into my commitments have now become my chauffeur.

I've challenged myslef, and now here's my challenge to you:

Go and search yourself and find all the things you need to commit to and commit to them. Whatever happens, at least you'll know you gave it your all. That's all it takes.

M@RR!@&£

As time goes on I'm meeting more and more people who now consider marriage a swear word. If that's you, I don't usually swear, forgive me.

In some instances talk of marriage has gotten me scowls, 'ewwwws' and 'yucks'. I wasn't talking about it in relation to me by the way, just generally. A girl posted a tweet which made me question whether she ever wanted to get married. Turns out she's one of the 'yuckers'. Somewhere along the way the image of marriage in some peoples' heads has been tarnished to look more like a curse than a blessing.

Well, I have grown up having a fantastic image of marriage (I don't care if fantastic comes from fantasy). I've witnessed via my parents and others how beautiful it can be. It doesn't all have to be stress and restrictions as is the view seemingly in fashion now. Everything in life takes effort, sometimes you don't feel the effort because you enjoy doing certain things or you're just used to them, but effort is being put in regardless.

I had a conversation with a friend who said this: "Both being in a relationship and being single are hard". So true but it made me laugh because it sounded like she wasn't sure if she wanted to be either right now. Maybe this is the view of these 'ewwwers' and 'yuckers', I don't know, just simulating. You can only be one or the other. Some people have told me that they don't want to get married but they do want to live with their partner. To me this makes no sense *shrugs*.

Anyway, bottom line is my parents have proved to me that marriage is not in vain. It can work, it does work. Tomorrow they will be having a party to celebrate 25 years of marriage. I take my hat off to them. If I have a marriage anything like theirs I'll be a blessed man. (Not that I'm not a blessed man now of course :D).

Marriage is the way forward whether you like it or yes.

Toodles.

FEELING A BIT LOW?

Lately I have been hearing/ reading/ seeing a lot about thinking and speaking positively and feeling good about yourself. These things made me obtusely aware of something. It seems that the more I've tried to encourage myself the worse I've ended up feeling. I realise now that I've been doing it the wrong way. The problem is I've been trying to encourage MYSELF. My opinion of myself is always going to be skewed one way or another because it's my opinion. One point of view. It gives me steam for a little bit and then the engine just stops dead in its tracks.

What am I saying? That I should rely on my friends to encourage me? Not even. That's even more dangerous than relying on me to encourage me because a day will come when the compliment tap will stop running. And it even when it is running it still doesn't fill the void. Feeling confident in yourself is not to be mistaken with ego trips. I believe the ability to feel good about yourself comes from humility and not pride. Think about it. Pride makes you look to yourself for strength. The weight of supposed expectation is what makes you think about yourself in a negative light in the first place. If you were able to see beyond yourself as a competitor of everyone else then it I think it would become easier to feel good about yourself.

I believe we have been offered a relief in the form of a relationship with God who does not discriminate against anyone. The God who gives everyone a fair chance to feel accepted. If we were able to fully accept this fact and keep it in mind we would probably spend more time with God. Who doesn't want to spend time with someone who loves them for who they are? Someone who sees them as a champion? God wants us to rely on Him for encouragement, reassurance. He wants to be the one you ask 'can I really do this?' because in truth only He knows. That's why Matthew 6:33 says:

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

If we seek God we will find EVERYTHING we're looking for. Our life has no choice but to fall into place. But knowing this, why is it easier to seek everything first and then look for God? A question I am still asking myself. All I know now is that life is bigger than I but it's not bigger than God. I trust that I am whatever he says I am.

SAVED

If Christians were relying on their own ability to obey God's Word, it would be a great struggle. However, many Christians are; without even realising it. And I'm one of them.

Everytime I think that I have grasped the meaning of my salvation, a deeper (or more true) understanding comes to blow the other one away. It's only in the past month or so that I've noticed what I've been doing. For some reason, I've been beating myself up and trying to justify my actions as if I have the power to combat sin. (Did you see what I did just there? Beating MYSELF up- combatting SIN... Get it? Get it? Never mind- you will!). If I did have the power to combat sin, why would I need a Saviour in Jesus? Why would God send His Son to take responsibility for my sins? Surely, when ever I sinned I would just make excuses in a bid to explain why I sinned.

Do you see how silly that last sentence is? I dare you to read it out loud, it sounds even more stupid!

Anyway, I digress. What I'm trying to say is that we are humans, i.e. flesh is a part of us. The flesh cannot fight spiritual battles such as the temptation to sin. Exhibit A:

Romans 7:18~

"For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out."

verse 19 goes on to say:

"For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing."

Now, I don't know about you but if I don't want to do something, I wouldn't keep on doing it. However, in this circumstance it is clear that something else is causing Paul, the author of Romans, to go against all reason- It's a negative spiritual influence.

Let's skip to verse 22:

"For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members."

This goes to show that no matter how hard WE try WE cannot justify ourselves because a sinful nature has lived within all humans since Adam and Eve disobeyed God.

The only way we are justified and made holy and acceptable before God is through the Holy Spirit of His Son, Jesus Christ, in whom there is life, and through whom we escape the wages of sin, which is death.

Romans 8:3-5 ~

"For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit"

Galatians 5:16 ~

"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature."

It's walking in the Spirit that will validate Christ's atonement for our sin. Although He has atoned for every sin ever committed, being committed right now, and yet to be committed; it's up to you to accept that gift with both hands by walking in the Spirit.

What does it mean to 'walk in the Spirit'?

To walk in the Spirit is to desire God and live your life based on His word AND guidance from the Holy Spirit. The more time you spend seeking God, i.e. reading the Bible, praying; the more you will understand what the Spirit wants you to do. And if you are doing what the Spirit wants you to do, then naturally, you will exhibit the fruit of the Spirit:

Galatians 5:22 and 23 ~

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

There may be some people reading this who want to know more about Christ, or want to become Christians but have been putting it off because you 'want to be clean first'. I hope what you have read so far has given you the confidence to come as you are. If not, how about this?

Romans 8:1 and 2 ~

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death."

Don't worry about what you've heard about what other Christians do, or the way they judge others. That's for them and God to resolve. You just come as you are- there is no other way. Don't think you're being a hypocrite. You can NEVER make yourself clean . It is CHRIST who CLEANSES YOU and then calls you brother or sister. You become a child of God:

Romans 8:14 ~

"For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.

verses 16-17 say:

"The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs- heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him."

The suffering that is referred to is the constant battle against the flesh. It will intensify as you get closer to God, I can't lie to you, but no good thing in life comes without a struggle- this is also true of ETERNAL LIFE. These are the promises that await you when you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour and start walking in the Spirit. So what are waiting for? Claim your inheritance!

For my Christian readers, I hope that this has challenged your concept of salvation in some way. Keep trusting in God and not in man, especially not yourself because your flesh is an enemy of God, and Satan knows that, that is why he uses it against you on a daily basis. Your strength comes from Christ. Don't ever forget that.

Shalom (Peace).

AHHHH... THE FREEDOM OF WRITING

Hey fellow Sunshine citizens, it's been a long time I know, if you were having to pay a suscription fee you would all have cancelled your direct debits. Forgive me, but today I've been convicted to write a blog (a friend of mine has started 1 lol).

There's something theraputic about writing, even if it's utter rubbish it just makes me feel a certain way. Have you ever got goosebumps from a book? The actual goosebumps series doesn't count by the way. I would love my writing to make people shiver but there's probably an art to it.

The art of writing reminds me of dance in the way both are judged. Dance audiences expect a lot in terms of composition, they want it to be sharp, seamless and succinct, but at the same time expect an element of freedom. You have to let loose but somehow keep definition, it's a very hard skill I pressume. I can confess that I've never been taught how to dance and don't know much about it but I love trying different styles so here I go. Loose but composed (I think (or hope)):


CRIPPLING UNCERTAINTY


All things un-seamed
undetermined-
unsightly,
semi-curse words
like maybe
or likely

How about slightly?
probably
might be
the worst of the lot
yep
might as well
bite me

Uncertainty
of the highest degree
climbing society
like it was a tree

Spreading like viruses
on a PC
I'm not immune
no I'm talking to me

'Can't you decide man?
left or the right man?
Decisions taking up
all of your life span'

Scared of my life man
don't know if I can
muster up courage
to become a ‘kite man’

Soaring above land
and diving in seas?
sounds like the life man
for you and not me

I'm cool right here
where I still feel the heat
coz what I'm unsure of
is uncertainty

Not sure if I can
venture off dry land
swim in the ocean?
Bruv, am I a merman?

Don't know what's out there
naked and laid bare
that's how I'll feel
when I realise I can't stand

And sky is to bird
as the land is to man
if you reason verbally
you’ll understand

But how can you reason
when you’re on cloud 9?
The fact that you numbered them
means you have time

Too much time really
when time’s in decline
And I can see clearly
You don’t value life

Spend your time dreaming
when dreams are misleading
illusions you’re breeding
they fill up your mind

You should try my trick
and fill it with worries
you’ll only be crippled
the rest of your life

All things surrounding
uncertain ambitions
should sound the alarm bells
so wake up in time

Or uncertainty
of the highest degree
will climb up society
like it’s a tree

Then spread like a virus
on every PC
no I'm not immune
so I'm talking to me!

NOW IS THE TIME TO BE BRAVE

We all have fears but we have not been given a Spirit of fear. Why fear life when life is short? And in Matthew 6:27 Jesus is telling us not to worry and asks "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (NIV); some manuscripts say "Which of you by worrying can add a single cubit to his stature?"- In other words, worrying is futile. God gives and God takes away so give your heart to Him so that He can take away all fear and help you to live a victorious life.

How does He do that? Well, He can only do that if you allow Him to by increasing your faith and this can only be done by spending time with Him both in prayer and reading the Word of God in order to get to know more about the nature of God.

There is no substitute for the presence of God. It is like a bright healing chamber where all the pain that was clutching to you in the forrm of the flesh is peeled away and your spirit is exposed to the light and renewed filling you with an inner peace. This is the reason you should not forsake your 'quiet-time' or time spent with God, reflecting, meditating. Now is the time to pray harder than ever and not to shy away from reading the word but make a habit of meditating on it and doing what it says (Joshua 1:8).

You may have heard statements similar to the followiing a number of times but it remains true and something must be done to change it. It seems that many people who call themselves Christians focus more on what they shouldn't be doing than what they should be doing as children of God and we tell others what not to do as well as forcing religion on ourselves. This can sometimes have adverse effects as we could pile on excess pressure and make ourselves/ other people feel inadequate when God hasn't said so. For example, a friend of mine recently told me that she grew up believing she was clumsy. She recalled a couple of occassions when her dad would be watching her as she was carrying plates and say something along the lines of 'Don't drop them, make sure you don't drop them!' What do you think is the most likely outcome? It's like when someone is about to take a penalty and someone shouts to them 'No pressure'- that's the exact instance when the pressure is likely to kick in. She dropped the plates. Obviously she didn't want to drop them but the words were probably echoing in her head and she soon cracked under the pressure.

Don't get me wrong I'm not suggesting that in your Christian walk will feel no pressure whatsoever or that should ignore the warnings about sin, but I do feel we succumb to pressure from other people, not even just Christians, as a substitute for conviction by the Spirit. And if we call ourselves Christians then we should be convicted by the Holy Spirit. The Word clearly emphasises that if we walk by the Spirit then we will not gratify the desires of the flesh. It's not a complicated principle but evidently not as simple to actually live by. We were not created to live in fear, we were created to feel a level of freedom and boldness that comes from having relationship with God. And believe me He craves a relationship with us, why else would He want us to call Him Abba Father?

About 2010 years ago Jesus died for all our sins and gave us absolute access to the same power and authority He had when He was on Earth. Subsequently it has become clear through the scriptures that the key to having a true relationship with God is accepting this fact. I used to find it hard to believe that Jesus was fully man because of how brave He came across. Now that I have studied the Word for myself I see that His bravery was as a result of His relationship with His Heavenly Father. There are instances recorded in the gospels which prove that He definitely felt fear and anxiety, however, He knew they could be overcome by prayer.

Prayer, by the way, is both talking to AND listening to God. The listening part is often omitted in our society today where there is a tendency to rush through our prayers in order to busy ourselves with other things. Often much less important things that we make a habit of doing whether they add to our lives or not. By failing to recognise prayer as THE priority we could easily set ourselves up to lead sheltered lives. We don't have to lead sheltered lives, we were made for greater things. We are sons and daughters of God and co-heirs with Christ, OUR FATHER MADE THE WORLD, we have a responsibility to live up to our names and also to look after the world.

Our lives are not just ours, We have no idea how many people are depending on us to live at God's intended level for our lives, both as individuals and as a generation, so that we can be blessing to their lives. If we fully realised how many opportunities we have compared with others I think we would have a change in attitude. When I think about third world countries I think about the fact that in a number of cases the people have big dreams but little access to resources, whereas in the Western world especially, we usually have access to a lot more resources but suffer from fear of dreaming big. We have the power to do a lot more than we are and have been doing. We have to stand up, We have to stand out.

NOW IS THE TIME TO BE BRAVE!

BIGGER PICTURE

I wrote this poem today. Haven't got much to say about it, read it for yourself... Currently writing another so watch out I may post it tomorrow :)


Bigger Picture


Shutter

In front of my eyes so I was blind to the

Clutter

The reason I can’t hear God and why I tend to

Flutter

Towards the crowd so I’m not seen as a

Nutter (nutter) (nutter)

The truth sounds mad so it’s easier not to

Utter

A word about Jesus before people start to

Mutter

You know how their minds are, always in the

Gutter

To them it’s garbage but to me it’s bread and

Butter

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*LONG SIGH*

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The Word is bread and

Butter

Before you start to knock it get your mind out of the

Gutter

It cannot be contained it’s more like shouting not a

Mutter

The truth will set you free and then your peace will be

Utter (utter)

You won’t stop smiling like a bona fide

Nutter

No butterfly effect, no need to

Flutter

Tidy up your heart and get rid of the

Clutter

You’ll get the bigger picture if you open up the

Shutter!